Posts tagged ‘Twitter’

@mollyjayne40 |poetry

An intro to faceless me…25 Aug 11

@mollyjayne40
dedicated to Twitter

Often ill, away.  Some leave me;
some wait.  Tell me why.

I marvel.  A cosmos in mini
where the faceless love, hate,
live and die.

~ Callisse J. DeTerre

copyright 24 August 2011


Downshifting from Overdrive: Accepting Myself

On most days, my appearance would give you no clue that I struggle with my physical and mental health.

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Occasionally, though, I can't hide my biology's battle against me.

Does anyone remember how in the “way back days” (a boy who I once had guardianship of used this to refer to my younger days), even in an automatic car, you drove in Drive sometimes and in Overdrive sometimes? The two weren’t synonymous. Well, no matter, I’m sure you can fathom what I mean. I keep trying to live my life in Overdrive with the Parking Break on. I don’t mean to. I don’t want to. I want to drive, but my health keeps applying the parking break, because I’ve been unwilling to downshift. I’ve been afraid. I’ve been thinking that if I downshifted, I’d be in Neutral and that wasn’t acceptable. You get pushed in Neutral. You get towed away in Neutral. Sometimes in Overdrive with the pedal to the metal and going nowhere because the Parking Break is on, I’ve thought shifting into Reverse was going to help me somehow, like when you rock a car to get yourself unstuck from an icy, three-foot high snowdrift (I grew up on the Chicago latitude). But it hasn’t ever worked because (unlike when I’m driving a car) I’m still in the habit of putting that pedal to the metal so I lurch backwards and slam myself into a tree trunk. Then I’m really going nowhere! All this to say, I don’t want to be lead-footed anymore in Overdrive or Reverse. It’s incredible how long it took me to realize why I wasn’t going anywhere or going so slowly.

Have you driven with your Parking Brake on? The first few times you try, your car holds you locked in place and you realize it. But, imagine the Driver’s Ed teacher keeps secretly setting it because he wants you to quit speeding. He knows you aren’t really in control when you are going so fast. We’ll suppose he’s tried to tell you in other ways, but you just weren’t getting it. It’s not necessarily your fault. It turns out he speaks with a heavy accent; you have to listen really, really hard to catch half of what he’s saying. Well, if he keeps setting it but you don’t know when, you keep pushing that pedal to the metal when you feel that drag. He means well, but sometimes you speed even worse because you anticipate the drag of the brake being on. You are in even less control than before. It’s a strain on you and the car. The brake starts to give. Eventually, when you do it, your car moves but my gosh, it’s like trying to push it uphill all alone! You get so frustrated. Everyone’s passing you by. You can’t get where you want to go. You want to give up, but you won’t. I mean, after all, at least you’re still moving. But inside your engine is burning hard, wearing down. Let’s just say, I’ve really been killing my engine!

I’ve got a lot of updating to do to my “About” page, but to put it briefly, I’ve got 20 chronic health conditions. I use to be an “overachiever”, but I’ve been disabled for many years now. I struggle with activities of daily living, but looking at me and even being around me for a day or two, you probably wouldn’t have a clue. I’ve been in various degrees of denial, not intellectually but emotionally for the most part. I still have found reasons to rejoice here and there, but I’m not happy and I know I’m the only one who can change that. I have the power to choose joy, but it is an “attitude in action” and my attitude, though positive, has been pretty stagnant. I’ve decided I’ve got to try downshifting from Overdrive to Drive. I had to trade in for an older model, one that has that option. So, I may not fit in at first. I don’t like that, but if it means I might start making some progress, it’ll be worth it. This past year – it’s been so hard! I realized I wasn’t going forward, no matter how cool my sports car life looked. I realized how burnt up my engine was. I realized shifting into Reverse didn’t help. I wanted people to pitch in and push. That didn’t work either. I’m so angry. As much as I hate being angry (I mean who really likes it), I’ve got to admit it. I’m angry I didn’t understand what my health problems were trying to tell me. But I’m not going to waste anymore time being angry at myself. Well, that’s probably not true; it’s a hard habit to break, but I, at least, am going to do something different too.

My downshifting is starting right here, with this blog. I’m sure sometimes I’ll still blog my philosophical musings or spiritual meditations or inspirational reflections or political rantings or artistic expressions, but here out this blog is foremost going to be a chronicle of my choice to live my life. That sounds so ordinary, but the key words in there are choice, live, and my. I reminded myself recently when I emotionally vomited an email to someone that my mind doesn’t process things well inside. If I’m going to write, it makes sense that I should use it to help myself, not just others. Often, I’ve shared the lessons I’ve learned but not the process of how I’ve learned them. I look over my blog and sometimes it just seems so stiff and formal, so unapproachable while inside I’m crying out for someone to not only approach but to hold me. Well, how can I ever face writer’s block again if my mind is always going. I’m not going to worry about getting things just right or being right. I’ve known for a long time I’m not “Super Molly,” but I wanted everyone else to think I was. Funny thing is it wasn’t because I needed people to see me as “Super” but because I needed them to see me and since I haven’t figured out who I am yet, I thought I had to show them me as “something”. I didn’t trust they could figure out who I was right along with me. Actually, I think I was a bit afraid they’d figure it out before me and I’d feel like I was being passed by. Hmm, the irony.

I truly believe God speaks through other people and I think it’s important to let people know when they are a vessel of Spirit’s voice in what they say or do. So, many people have contributed to this moment, this particular instant of awakening, but aside from my therapist Tina Marie Dale, LCSW, I want to thank a few special people who probably have no idea how they have touched me. Honestly i don’t know if I can explain except to say that their “being there” and/or genuineness is emboldening me to expose my Self, to love myself enough to slow down. I may have to add to this list as I remember people but here are the people off the top of my head right now…
Barb Efflandt, Rev. Kathleen Thomas, Frankey Landon, @aeTyree, @Read2Write10, @JillMarieinFL, @tetka, my friends at Poetry here And Now, Deborah Helm, Jill & Jo O’Brien, Lady Dawn, Alice Puckett, Jesleen92 (blog: 91 Odd Socks), “Bananas” Charity (blog: charityjh.com), and Wendy Holcolme (blog: Picnic with Ants: Living with Chronic Illnesses). Those names beginning with “@” are the Twitter usernames by which I know them. Many people on Twitter have blogs and I encourage you to check out these Tweeters and their blogs.

My Miscellaneous Original Twitter Humor

A Twitter tweet

Image via Wikipedia

  1. Some are accursed by stopping to think and forgetting to start; Me, I start to tweet and forget to stop.
  2. Don’t sweat the small stuff; tweet it instead.
  3. When you do a good deed, tweet it just in case Satan’s lawyer demands time-stamped documentation.
  4. Choose tweets over sweets; they won’t rot your teeth.
  5. You AREN’T paranoid; you ARE being followed!
  6. A lie: Noooo, I’m NOT gonna stay up 1/2 the night on Twitter.
  7. Spammers, you have no followers and follow no one, what makes you think I’m gonna click on your untitled shortlink to hell!?
  8. I get more blog views when I tweet, yet few views reflect a referral from Twitter. Ah, the mysteries of the great and mighty Twitter…
  9. I’ve decided that people who only follow me for a day were just trying to eavesdrop.
  10. I know it’s wrong, but I’m slightly embarrassed to be followed by eggheads (Tweeters with the generic egg icon as their profile ID pic).
  11. Just because a puppy adoringly follows me around doesn’t mean I should feel obligated to follow ITS stinky butt.
  12. What do you call someone who lurks on Twitter but posts nothing? A Tweeping Tom
  13. Why did Tweetie Bird fly into the internet cafe? He’d lost his voice.
  14. Tweeting in all caps is akin to screeching seagulls.
  15. If I should die before I tweet, just RT my best post if its worth the repeat.

Twitter-Skitter Snickers

Emergency "Twitter was down so I wrote my...

Image via Wikipedia

Warning:  Those who find sarcasm distasteful may be offended by parts of this post.
Disclaimer:  I am of the opinion that a post/tweet reflects merely a person’s success or failure at communicating his or her intent at that particular moment. not their skill overall or anything else about the person in general. I hope people look with the same kindness upon my mistakes and the same lack of expectancy upon my occasional moments of brilliance.

I have recently coined the following terms to aid in communication.
Twitter-skitter n. – the result of Twitter-skittering;  a focused sampling of what Twitter has to offer by means of randomly reading search results, hashtags and lists.
Twitter-skittering n. – the act of skipping through Twitter, by sampling the posts of self-directed searches, for the purpose of discovering themes when trying to overcome creative blocks or of entertaining oneself when bored.
Twitter-skitter stumbler n. – an unexpectedly funny or interesting tweet, usually not intended to be so, you stumble upon while Twitter-skittering

The posts below are all actual Tweets and what I consider weak to strong examples of Twitter-skitter stumblers. Given my potentially offensive, sarcastic nature I did not actually tweet the replies I’ve provided below.

Search Term: #needadvice
Should I keep moving forward or go back?
Gee, depends where you want to go. Here, 140 characters or less is just a waste of effort.

Wondering whether to take Dan to Peppa Pig World on Saturday for his birthday
Are you for real? There’s really a place called Peppa Pig World? What do you do? Mud-wrestle, eat cow pies, and compete as jockeys in a Razorback Hog Race?

im reeli considerinq qoinq too thee navy
I’m really thinking you ought to stay in school, full-time and for a long time

[SEVEN tweeters actually have “needadvice” as part of their Twitter username]
If your name says you need it, why do you say you want to give it

Search Term: #employment
Now Hiring: Seamlessweb [don’t think they apply for jobs, but the people who make them might be interested] — for alochol [note spelling] – website – with back -end infrastructure
Thinking a little less imbibing of company goods when posting employment opportunities might be a good idea

Search Term: self-improvement
Self improvement is masturbation
Self-gratification might be a better word choice. Bonus: it’s a near rhymes.

I won’t recommend any more self-improvement books
(posted by someone who uses self-improvement as part of their username) Yeah, right!

Self-Improvement: Grow Taller 4 Idiots – free download
Wow, I’m heaping relieved self-improvement doesn’t require shrinking!

Self-improvement seminar for good leaders
How about a seminar for bad leaders, instead?