Posts tagged ‘Social Networking’

@mollyjayne40 |poetry

An intro to faceless me…25 Aug 11

@mollyjayne40
dedicated to Twitter

Often ill, away.  Some leave me;
some wait.  Tell me why.

I marvel.  A cosmos in mini
where the faceless love, hate,
live and die.

~ Callisse J. DeTerre

copyright 24 August 2011


My Miscellaneous Original Twitter Humor

A Twitter tweet

Image via Wikipedia

  1. Some are accursed by stopping to think and forgetting to start; Me, I start to tweet and forget to stop.
  2. Don’t sweat the small stuff; tweet it instead.
  3. When you do a good deed, tweet it just in case Satan’s lawyer demands time-stamped documentation.
  4. Choose tweets over sweets; they won’t rot your teeth.
  5. You AREN’T paranoid; you ARE being followed!
  6. A lie: Noooo, I’m NOT gonna stay up 1/2 the night on Twitter.
  7. Spammers, you have no followers and follow no one, what makes you think I’m gonna click on your untitled shortlink to hell!?
  8. I get more blog views when I tweet, yet few views reflect a referral from Twitter. Ah, the mysteries of the great and mighty Twitter…
  9. I’ve decided that people who only follow me for a day were just trying to eavesdrop.
  10. I know it’s wrong, but I’m slightly embarrassed to be followed by eggheads (Tweeters with the generic egg icon as their profile ID pic).
  11. Just because a puppy adoringly follows me around doesn’t mean I should feel obligated to follow ITS stinky butt.
  12. What do you call someone who lurks on Twitter but posts nothing? A Tweeping Tom
  13. Why did Tweetie Bird fly into the internet cafe? He’d lost his voice.
  14. Tweeting in all caps is akin to screeching seagulls.
  15. If I should die before I tweet, just RT my best post if its worth the repeat.

Twitter-Skitter Snickers

Emergency "Twitter was down so I wrote my...

Image via Wikipedia

Warning:  Those who find sarcasm distasteful may be offended by parts of this post.
Disclaimer:  I am of the opinion that a post/tweet reflects merely a person’s success or failure at communicating his or her intent at that particular moment. not their skill overall or anything else about the person in general. I hope people look with the same kindness upon my mistakes and the same lack of expectancy upon my occasional moments of brilliance.

I have recently coined the following terms to aid in communication.
Twitter-skitter n. – the result of Twitter-skittering;  a focused sampling of what Twitter has to offer by means of randomly reading search results, hashtags and lists.
Twitter-skittering n. – the act of skipping through Twitter, by sampling the posts of self-directed searches, for the purpose of discovering themes when trying to overcome creative blocks or of entertaining oneself when bored.
Twitter-skitter stumbler n. – an unexpectedly funny or interesting tweet, usually not intended to be so, you stumble upon while Twitter-skittering

The posts below are all actual Tweets and what I consider weak to strong examples of Twitter-skitter stumblers. Given my potentially offensive, sarcastic nature I did not actually tweet the replies I’ve provided below.

Search Term: #needadvice
Should I keep moving forward or go back?
Gee, depends where you want to go. Here, 140 characters or less is just a waste of effort.

Wondering whether to take Dan to Peppa Pig World on Saturday for his birthday
Are you for real? There’s really a place called Peppa Pig World? What do you do? Mud-wrestle, eat cow pies, and compete as jockeys in a Razorback Hog Race?

im reeli considerinq qoinq too thee navy
I’m really thinking you ought to stay in school, full-time and for a long time

[SEVEN tweeters actually have “needadvice” as part of their Twitter username]
If your name says you need it, why do you say you want to give it

Search Term: #employment
Now Hiring: Seamlessweb [don’t think they apply for jobs, but the people who make them might be interested] — for alochol [note spelling] – website – with back -end infrastructure
Thinking a little less imbibing of company goods when posting employment opportunities might be a good idea

Search Term: self-improvement
Self improvement is masturbation
Self-gratification might be a better word choice. Bonus: it’s a near rhymes.

I won’t recommend any more self-improvement books
(posted by someone who uses self-improvement as part of their username) Yeah, right!

Self-Improvement: Grow Taller 4 Idiots – free download
Wow, I’m heaping relieved self-improvement doesn’t require shrinking!

Self-improvement seminar for good leaders
How about a seminar for bad leaders, instead?