A Twitter tweet

Image via Wikipedia

  1. Some are accursed by stopping to think and forgetting to start; Me, I start to tweet and forget to stop.
  2. Don’t sweat the small stuff; tweet it instead.
  3. When you do a good deed, tweet it just in case Satan’s lawyer demands time-stamped documentation.
  4. Choose tweets over sweets; they won’t rot your teeth.
  5. You AREN’T paranoid; you ARE being followed!
  6. A lie: Noooo, I’m NOT gonna stay up 1/2 the night on Twitter.
  7. Spammers, you have no followers and follow no one, what makes you think I’m gonna click on your untitled shortlink to hell!?
  8. I get more blog views when I tweet, yet few views reflect a referral from Twitter. Ah, the mysteries of the great and mighty Twitter…
  9. I’ve decided that people who only follow me for a day were just trying to eavesdrop.
  10. I know it’s wrong, but I’m slightly embarrassed to be followed by eggheads (Tweeters with the generic egg icon as their profile ID pic).
  11. Just because a puppy adoringly follows me around doesn’t mean I should feel obligated to follow ITS stinky butt.
  12. What do you call someone who lurks on Twitter but posts nothing? A Tweeping Tom
  13. Why did Tweetie Bird fly into the internet cafe? He’d lost his voice.
  14. Tweeting in all caps is akin to screeching seagulls.
  15. If I should die before I tweet, just RT my best post if its worth the repeat.